How We Can Break the Silence Around Suicide and Depression

I recently came across a post online about depression that stopped me for a moment. The person sharing it said that, from the outside, most people would probably never know they were struggling. They appear happy, take care of their kids, go to work, and move through life like everything is fine.

Then they shared something that I think captures the reality for so many people:

“People have no idea what’s going on inside the heads of people suffering. We look no different than anyone else…”

I have someone close to me, and a conversation with them just last night before I wrote this reinforced something I already know: even the people we feel like we know better than anyone else can be silently struggling.

Struggling with the thoughts in their head. The voice within telling them they should be better, feel better, or be farther along than they are at this moment. Thoughts and feelings that can become so overwhelming that they leave someone wondering, Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t here anymore, so I wouldn’t have to keep feeling this way.

I heard from this loved one that if they continued to struggle with the thoughts inside their mind and the feelings they were experiencing, they couldn’t imagine carrying that silent struggle forever.

So, we had an honest conversation about how they were thinking and feeling, ways to talk through it when the thoughts and feelings become overwhelming, and what next steps we needed to take together to support their mental health.

The Silent Struggle Isn’t Always Visible

The truth is, we all—and I mean all—know someone who is in the silent struggle.

Depression and suicidal thoughts do not always look the way we expect them to look. Someone may continue working, caring for their family, laughing with friends, showing up to appointments, and appearing to move through life normally while carrying tremendous emotional pain inside.

What individuals who are struggling silently need is someone who can help them break the silence, give them a space to talk about what they are experiencing, and help them find support.

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, a time to bring more awareness to suicide, encourage honest conversations about mental health, and remind people that help is available.

I wish it weren’t true, but if you are reading this, there is a good chance you know someone who has died by suicide or someone whose life has been deeply affected by suicide.

The weight of suicide is like a shackle that weighs on so many. There is the immense weight carried by the person who feels like the world, whether in a single moment or through a daily struggle, has become too much to bear. And then there is the weight left behind for the people who loved them so dearly.

I’m here to tell you, I don’t have all the answers.

But I am learning through my own life and through my life’s work of helping others that the antidote to the silent struggle isn’t more silence.

It’s having a space to be heard.

It’s having someone willing to sit with you in what feels unbearable.

And it’s being reminded that how you feel right now may not always be how you feel.

That is hope.

How Do We Break the Silence Around Suicide?

We talk about it—in safe spaces.

Sometimes we are afraid to ask someone directly about suicide because we worry about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse. But when someone you care about seems different, withdrawn, overwhelmed, hopeless, or simply not like themselves, it is okay to ask how they are really doing.

And since I just had this conversation last night, let me share a few things you can ask:

• “Have you been thinking about suicide?”
• “You seem a little off lately. How are you doing—really?”
• “Do you feel safe right now?”
• “Are the thoughts getting hard for you to manage on your own?”

And then, be prepared to listen.

How to Support Someone Who Is Struggling With Suicidal Thoughts

It will be hard to hear, especially when it is someone you love deeply. Because no matter what skills, education, or training you have, there is a helplessness that comes with knowing you cannot simply remove someone else’s pain.

But you can listen.

You can acknowledge how hard it must be to carry those thoughts and feelings. You can remind them that they are loved and cared for. You can help them identify reasons to keep going and find the next step forward, rather than expecting them to figure it all out alone.

That next step might mean contacting their counselor, helping them find a mental health professional, reaching out to a trusted family member, or calling or texting 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. The 988 Lifeline provides free, confidential support 24 hours a day by phone, text, or chat.

If someone tells you they have a plan to harm themselves, are in immediate danger, or cannot keep themselves safe, take it seriously. Stay with them and seek immediate help.

Sometimes breaking the silence begins with one person being brave enough to ask the question—and another person finally feeling safe enough to tell the truth.

If You Are the One Struggling Silently

And if you are reading this and you are the one struggling silently, please know that you do not have to carry everything happening inside your head alone.

Tell someone.

Even if you don’t know exactly what to say.

Even if all you can say is:

“I’m not okay.”

There are people who want to sit with you in the struggle, help you carry what feels too heavy right now, and remind you of something that can be very difficult to believe when you are in the middle of the pain:

What you are feeling right now does not mean you will always feel this way.

There is help.

There is hope.

But the first step is breaking the silence.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I say to someone I think may be suicidal?

Start with a direct but caring question such as, “Have you been thinking about suicide?” or “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you doing—really?” Then give them space to answer honestly and listen without immediately trying to fix what they are feeling.

What can I do if someone tells me they are having suicidal thoughts?

Listen, take what they tell you seriously, and help them connect with support. This might include contacting a therapist or trusted family member or calling or texting 988 together. If they are in immediate danger or cannot remain safe, seek emergency assistance.

Can someone be depressed even if they seem happy?

Yes. Emotional distress is not always visible from the outside. Someone may continue working, parenting, socializing, and functioning in daily life while privately struggling with depression, hopelessness, or suicidal thoughts.

What is the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline?

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides free and confidential crisis support throughout the United States. People can call or text 988 or use the online chat to connect with a trained crisis counselor. You do not have to be suicidal to reach out for support.

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