How to Support High-Support Needs Families: A Therapist’s Insight
For those of you who know me personally, it’s hard to know me without knowing my brother. My brother is the reason why I am the helper I am. The therapist I am. And the woman I am today.
He has taught me more of my life lessons than any other person, and has done so without using words. My brother has Level 3 Autism, or what used to be referred to as “severe Autism.” He is conversationally non-verbal and has epilepsy.
Inside the Challenges of a High-Support Needs Family
Life has always been different for my family. We don’t go to restaurants. We take shifts on who is watching my brother at all times. We have baby monitors around the house to help us keep track of where he is and what he is doing.
My brother requires a lot of support. This can make it difficult for people to know how to interact with our family or what is helpful to us.
So, let’s talk about how to support high-support needs families through my own experience.
3 Tips for Supporting High-Support Needs Families
1. Learn about the family member with higher needs
It seems like such a small thing, but you would be surprised how many people make assumptions rather than approach someone with high needs with genuine curiosity and warmth.
Learning about what caring for that person requires, what they are interested in, and about their day-to-day life can help a family feel more seen.
It can also help when planning a get-together! If a child loves animals, it may be a great outing for everyone to go to the zoo. If someone has strenuous medical needs and difficulty with transferring in and out of vehicles, it may be more enjoyable to bring pizza to their home and all watch a movie. Simply learning about their life and situation can speak volumes.
2. Be flexible
When supporting someone with high needs, plans can change very quickly. It may have been a bad morning, and they are now unable to manage the stimulus that comes with a public outing. There may have been a medical event that changed the course of the day. Or maybe their family member is simply refusing to get in the car.
Whatever the situation, there are forces outside of our control that sometimes make us less reliable, less flexible, and more in need of understanding than other families.
With that said, a huge way to support a family like mine is to be flexible with us.
Some examples:
- “Maybe today doesn’t work for a play date after all. Can we try again next week?”
- “If you can’t come to our house today, would you like me to swing by yours?”
- “I know the birthday party would have been a lot, but I saved some cake to bring by later.”
3. Be compassionate
People with high support needs did not choose to have these difficulties. Even though it was not their choice, it requires a lot from their caretakers.
Caring for someone requires time, physical strength, and emotional regulation. It also means changing plans, changing expectations, and, for some, lifelong commitments to a life they did not plan for.
Be compassionate towards the children who may not understand social cues, may have meltdowns, or may have difficulties with bodily functions. Also, be compassionate towards the families that may not have as much support to give back to you as a friend right now, because they are dealing with their own responses to trauma caused by disability, and are doing their best to sort out their own lives.
The True Value of Caring for High-Support Needs Families
People can be uncomfortable around those with higher needs if they do not have experience with neurodiverse individuals. It’s okay to not know what to say. What matters is to try! I promise that the families will help model what’s appropriate for their family members.
While being a caretaking family comes with stress and hardships that others do not face, it also comes with intense joy, love, and humor that enrich our lives and the lives of those who love our family.
These families are more than worthy of being supported. If you don’t know how, just ask!
If you are a family member caring for someone with high support needs and might need help with your own needs and emotions, please reach out for help. You can connect with a therapist who can help you explore your feelings and help you learn how to cope with those emotions. Also, there may be support groups in the area for caregivers.
The therapists at Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting would love to walk with you through those life challenges.
About the Author
Karlee Beville, LCSW, specializes in working with teens and adults to overcome past trauma and move toward a life where they can truly thrive. She’s also passionate about supporting individuals exploring neurodivergence or navigating how to better help a loved one.
Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting’s mission is to inspire hope for change to help individuals move forward and live fully.
Click here to schedule an appointment today.
