How to NOT GIVE UP
Ever feel like giving up? Maybe it’s a task you’re working on, goal you are aiming towards or just life in general that isn’t going the way you thought. You may start to think, “This is too hard. I can’t do this. Is this worth it?” You start compiling the list of reasons why you should just give up. And then one day you find yourself curled up in a hypothetical ball, telling yourself not nice things, ready to throw in the towel.
However, just days, weeks, months, or years prior you thought to yourself with adamant resolution, I will not give up on _________ (fill in the blank).” In fact, you were motivated, fired up, and focused; there was no way you could ever imagine feeling like you would want to quit. But then you hit a rough patch and as quickly as you knew giving up was not an option, you find yourself waving a white flag of surrender.
Are You Yourself?
If this is you or has been you, then know you are not alone. It’s human to want to give up sometimes. The truth is even the most super human among us will feel like giving up on at least one day throughout the year (for others you may feel this way almost 365 days a year and that’s okay too).
In life there will be days when giving up will seem like the best choice out there. However, I’m here to encourage you to not give up with these 6 simple, but important reminders.
Acknowledge You are Human
Some days in life will be better than others. There will be times when what you “feel like” will not help you in making it to your end goal or desired outcome. Actually, as I am writing this there are times when I want to stop, give up (oh the ironies!), check my phone, or give myself a brain break.
Choosing to not give up can at times be a second by second, minute by minute, day by day choice. The human side of us tries to avoid anything unpleasant, uncomfortable or difficult. We like to avoid pain at all costs; it’s wired in us for survival. Therefore, the first thing we must do is recognize that wanting to give up is a natural reaction, but pushing through during those times is crucial to get to where you want to go.
Take Time to Breathe and Reset
When feeling overwhelmed, it is not the best time to make decisions about quitting something or starting something else. In fact, it’s imperative to take a moment to breathe, step back, and give yourself some space to find clarity. Take a walk, talk to a friend, go somewhere other than where you are. Many times when we take a step back from a situation we realize our most immediate response is not always the best response. Before giving up, give yourself time to breathe.
Prepare and Plan Realizing Things Won’t Always Go According to Plan
Most of us (myself included) don’t always give ourselves realistic expectations when making a big change or going towards a goal we want to accomplish. We definitely don’t plan and prepare for things to go sideways. This means sometimes we need to plan and prepare for things to not go according to plan. We need to create effective strategies to help us regroup after getting derailed from something we are working on. Planning for obstacles helps us shift our mindset from an all or nothing mentality to “if, when, then” thinking. Recognizing the unexpected will happen allows us to be ready for anything and be able to pivot accordingly. Practice pivoting instead of quitting, and remember, many roads can lead to the same destination (just ask google maps).
Go Back to Your Why and Focus on That
As a counselor, I often encourage people to think of their why. Why is it important to look at different perspectives? Is it essential to set boundaries with others? Why do you want to make a change?
Many times when we set off in a direction, we have a why behind the reason we are moving forward towards a desired outcome. For me, my “why” for writing in this column every month is to increase awareness around mental health, normalize that seeking help is okay, and help others find their way forward into possibilities, growing into their full potential, and utilizing their unique strengths and abilities to live fully.
If you find yourself stuck and wanting to give up, just go back to “why” you started in the first place and focus on that. Knowing your why and keeping it at the forefront, will propel you through the tough times that come your way.
Remember it Does Not matter How Slowly You Go as Long as You Do Not Stop (Confucius)
This quote by Confucius has been my motto during the past several years of my life. What I’ve learned from people who reach the end of their goal or what they set out to do is that they do not stop. They may take two steps forward and one step back, but they keep moving forward. Developing small disciplines or habits to carry out consistently helps you do this when the vision you are aiming for seems like a massive feat. Sustainable change rarely happens overnight so give yourself permission to not have to change everything at once. Trust me, by doing this you develop the skills and things you need to go the distance.
Get Help When You Need It
This week at the gym I wanted to quit. We had already finished the “workout of the day”, but one of my fellow workout buddies decided to take things a step further to challenge herself and asked me to join. Reluctantly, I gave in and accepted the challenge. However, halfway through the exercises I wanted to quit. I had already done so much already, why keep going? But she wouldn’t let me (seriously, I tried to quit like 4 times)! After the workout was done, I was glad she didn’t let me stop before we finished. This situation reminded me we need each other to go the distance. If you feel like giving up, use your “phone a friend” pass. Find the help you need. Surround yourself with people who won’t let you give up. We really can go a lot farther together than we can alone.
My final encouragement to you is that you do not stop even though it seems you are barely inching along. Our successes are often right on the other side of our perceived failures. Do not give up!
