How Do I Make Friends as an Adult?
This is a question I have been asked by so many of my clients: “How can I make friends as an adult?” As a society, we are lonelier than ever, and so many of us feel like we don’t even know where to start to try and change that.
I hear this from young adults who have entered the workforce and don’t know how to connect with people outside of a school environment. I hear this from stay-at-home moms who feel isolated and like they only have their partner. And also from older adults who realize they don’t have anyone to talk to now that their kids are out of the house.
I hear this question for lots of reasons, so I have developed a few tips on how to answer it.
3 Tips to Help You Make Friends as an Adult
1. Reconnect
For many of these groups, they may have had close friendships at one point or another, but lost contact over time. Reach back out to these friends! Don’t be afraid to be the one to re-establish a connection, especially if it’s someone you genuinely enjoyed being around.
The worst thing that could happen from this is if you continue to not hang out with this person despite reaching out—so just back where you started! No harm, no foul.
2. Go Where the People Are
“I want *you* to be where the people are!” I tell my clients all the time—you can’t meet anyone if you stay at home. Nothing changes if nothing changes!
If you want to have a more fulfilled social life, you have to go where the people are—OUT!
There are lots of places where you can connect with people: the gym, a brewery, a paint class, you name it! Just go somewhere! Especially doing something you enjoy, because you may connect with someone else that enjoys it too!
It’s okay to take baby steps! Maybe you can start going to a yoga class to get out more, but not with the intention of trying to speak to someone right away. You never know, a connection may happen naturally! But it won’t ever happen alone on your couch.
3. Talk!
This is the one I get the most backlash with. If you don’t put yourself out there, things will continue to stay the same. Something has to change in your behavior for things to change in your life.
So, it’s time to talk to strangers! Compliment the person’s shoes beside you if you like them. Commiserate with whomever is next to you at the paint class about how you don’t know how to make your sun rays look like the instructor’s. Strike up a conversation with someone wearing a t-shirt from a band you like.
There will be flops. Sometimes, conversations don’t take off. But that’s ok! Just keep trying. You never know who you may end up hitting it off with.
It can be intimidating to make friends as an adult. As children, we were in school and put in classes with these same 20 people every day, and we just had to pick our favorites of that 20! And boom, we were friends.
As adults, it’s not that easy! If I truly wanted to, I could go days, even weeks, without speaking to someone in today’s day and age. If I worked remotely, used Walmart pick up for my groceries, and cooked at home, I could live a very isolated life.
But humans are not made to be alone. We are made to connect! So we have to be intentional about making sure we are giving ourselves the chance to make these connections.
About the Author
Karlee Beville, LCSW, specializes in working with teens and adults to overcome past trauma and move toward a life where they can truly thrive. She’s also passionate about supporting individuals exploring neurodivergence or navigating how to better help a loved one.
Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting’s mission is to inspire hope for change to help individuals move forward and live fully.
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