Assertive Communication: 5 CLEAR Truths to Express Yourself with Confidence
Assertive communication is a powerful tool that allows individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear and respectful manner. By using “I” statements instead of blaming language, assertive communication promotes healthy relationships, helps avoid conflicts, and enables individuals to set boundaries effectively.
Not everyone knows how, or has the confidence, to begin using assertive communication. Using the acronym CLEAR, I have identified 5 truths than can help you gain confidence and understanding that can lead to healthier communication.
Clarity through “I” Statements:
Assertive communication emphasizes expressing oneself using “I” statements rather than using accusatory language with the word “you.” For instance, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” an assertive approach would be, “I feel unheard when I share my thoughts.” By focusing on personal feelings and experiences, this approach encourages open dialogue and reduces defensiveness, fostering better understanding and empathy between individuals.
Let Go by Communicating:
Assertive communication allows individuals to express their thoughts and emotions, preventing them from bottling up their feelings, which can lead to inner turmoil or explosive outbursts. By openly and honestly sharing their concerns, individuals can address issues before they escalate into conflicts. For example, calmly stating, “I feel overwhelmed with my workload and need some assistance” can help prevent burnout and resentment.
Establishing Boundaries, Not Control:
Assertive communication is not about controlling or changing others. It is about providing them with an opportunity to understand your perspective, preferences, and values. By expressing yourself assertively, you allow others to know you better and create a foundation for mutual respect. For instance, saying, “I prefer to have some quiet time in the evenings to recharge” sets a boundary without attempting to control someone else’s behavior.
Apologize for Actions, Not Assertiveness:
Being assertive is not something to apologize for; it is a valuable skill for effective communication. However, it is essential to choose the right time and state of mind to express yourself assertively. After a processing period, when you are calm and have identified your feelings, you can approach the conversation assertively. Apologizing for any hurtful actions or words during the discussion is crucial, as assertive communication aims to foster understanding and respect, not to cause harm.
Recognizing Toxic Relationships:
Assertive communication helps identify toxic individuals in our lives. Healthy relationships thrive on respect and cooperation, and when you assertively express your needs, those who genuinely care about you will acknowledge and respect them. On the other hand, toxic individuals may perceive assertive communication as an attack, refusing to acknowledge your feelings or cooperate. This realization empowers you to set healthy boundaries and distance yourself from toxic influences, promoting your overall well-being.
Assertive communication empowers individuals to express themselves confidently and respectfully. By using “I” statements, expressing emotions, setting boundaries, and recognizing toxic relationships, assertive communication promotes healthier connections and personal growth. Remember, being assertive is not something to apologize for; it is a valuable tool for effective communication and self-advocacy.
About the Author
Missy Daniel, LPC, specializes in working with individuals of all ages who struggle with communication. She works with a team of highly trained therapists who understand how to help those struggling with difficult emotions find the relief they are seeking. Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting’s mission is to inspire hope for change to help individuals move forward and live fully. Click here to schedule an appointment today
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