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What Happens During Couples Therapy? (And Why It May Be Different Than You Think)
For many couples, deciding to schedule the appointment isn’t actually the hardest part. The hardest part is walking through the door. I’ve talked with many couples who admitted they almost canceled their first session—not because they didn’t want help, but because they had no idea what to expect. They worried they would spend an hour arguing in front of a stranger, be told everything they were doing wrong, or leave feeling worse than when they arrived. If you’ve ever wondered what really happens during couples therapy, you’re not alone. In fact, it’s one of the first questions people ask when they’re considering reaching out. The good news is that therapy…
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Is Couples Therapy Only for Relationships in Crisis? (Spoiler: No)
“Do you think we need therapy?” It’s a question that often gets whispered rather than spoken out loud. Sometimes it comes after another frustrating argument. Sometimes it’s asked during a quiet drive home. Sometimes it isn’t asked at all because both people are wondering the same thing, but neither wants to be the first to say it. And almost every time, one sentence follows. “I don’t think we’re that bad.” I’ve always found that interesting. Because when did we decide that relationships have to be falling apart before they’re worthy of attention? We don’t think that way about much else. We change the oil before the engine fails. We schedule…
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Why Couples Keep Having the Same Fight (And How to Break the Cycle)
Have you ever looked at your partner halfway through an argument and thought, “How are we here again?” Maybe this week’s disagreement is about the dishes. Last week was about the budget. Before that, it was whose turn it was to pick up the kids, why one person didn’t answer a text message, or why the laundry is still sitting in the dryer. The details change. The feelings don’t. As a couples therapist, one of the most common things I hear is, “We just keep having the same fight.” And while every couple’s story is unique, I’ve noticed something fascinating over the years. The arguments may sound different, but underneath…
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How to Stop Making Assumptions in Relationships
Not long ago, I sent someone a message and did not receive a response. At first, I did not think much about it. They were probably busy. But as more time passed, my mind began filling in the silence. Maybe they were upset with me. Maybe I had said something wrong. Maybe they were avoiding the conversation. Before long, I had created an entire story without having all the facts. When the person finally responded, the explanation was simple. They had been overwhelmed, distracted, and dealing with something that had nothing to do with me. Nothing was wrong between us. But for a little while, my assumptions made it feel…
