The 3 P’s of Helping New Moms Postpartum
Before I had my daughter, I had no idea how to support the new moms in my life during postpartum. I wanted to show up and be helpful but did not want to insert myself.
Would they want visitors? Or would they feel like they need to host me? Should I cook for them? What if they don’t like what I make and I just give them more stuff they need to throw away?
Fast forward to the month after I had my baby. To me with dirty hair, a sink full of dishes, and not knowing what day it was. I found as I went through my own (rough) postpartum experience that the things I really appreciated from my tribe fell into 3 categories: Being Positive, Being Productive, and Being Present.
How to Help New Moms Struggling with Postpartum
1. Be Positive
It is truly amazing how much negativity people can bring to such a joyful time. It is not always intentional, but focusing on the hard things and horror stories isn’t helpful to someone who is already sleep-deprived.
We’re also mothering in the age of Google, which is dangerous in and of itself. Our smartphones encourage new mothers to be up late, Googling every worry that crosses their mind. Can this type of formula cause learning disabilities? Is diaper rash normal? What to do with a baby in case of a fire?
I promise that if a new mom has a question about how she is caring for the baby and would like your opinion, she will ask for it.
So, instead of offering unsolicited advice, be positive! Tell her what she is doing right because she is most likely focusing on all the things she is worried about doing wrong. Comment on how beautiful the baby is. Point out what you see in the baby’s personality. And all the things this Mom has to look forward to in motherhood—even if today is hard.
2. Be Productive
What do all new moms need during postpartum? HELP! All kinds of help! Help with dishes, help with food, help with holding the baby so she can take a shower. So if you are coming to visit, come ready to help as well.
With that said, always ask for consent before doing something so that you don’t cause more stress. But come in with options already planned. It can be overwhelming to be asked, “Is there anything I can do?” It’s more helpful to ask questions with options, such as “I’m here to help! Would you rather me tackle the dishes or hold baby so you can have some ‘you’ time?”.
This way, the Mom doesn’t have to ask you to do anything, but can still get the help she actually needs. Another helpful option is providing resources, like gift cards for food delivery apps, formula, or diapers!
3. Be Present
Motherhood is one of the most beautiful and lonely journeys in the human experience. I have heard from my clients and friends that young mothers are realizing that the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child” no longer applies to them because they have no village.
It is easy to assume that someone is already checking in on the Mom. That someone is there for her. But there is a strong case that there may not be.
It is such a powerful thing to just show up. To come by the house (after asking, of course) to see how Mom and baby are doing. Sending a text saying you were thinking about them and hoping they got sleep last night. Going to the first birthday party you were invited to even though you know the baby won’t remember it.
The most important thing you can offer new moms during postpartum is your presence—because, boy, do we need a village!
This list was based on the wonderful friends and family that surrounded me while I sludged through my own postpartum period last year. And still to this day!
I will never forget who showed up for me in the blur of newborn days I spent with my sweet girl. Who came to not only hold my baby but look in my eyes and ask me how I was doing. Who brought me coffee and stories of the world outside my front door when I forgot that there was one out there. Who made sure I showered before they left and asked me when the last time I ate was.
I am so thankful for my village and how they taught me how to support the mothers that come after me.
About the Author
Karlee Beville, LCSW, specializes in working with teens and adults to overcome past trauma and move toward a life where they can truly thrive. She’s also passionate about supporting individuals exploring neurodivergence or navigating how to better help a loved one.
Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting’s mission is to inspire hope for change to help individuals move forward and live fully.
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