How to Let Go of Comparisons

Have you ever been on social media and saw someone’s post and thought, “I wish I was…. I wish I had (fill in the blank)….. like (fill in someone’s name)?” Most of us have all been there at some point. We scroll through our social media feeds and look at how others’ lives seem to be. Then, we start making comparisons.

We think to ourselves, “Well they seem to have the perfect children, marriage, job, career, life…” you name it. Then you become frustrated, upset, or jealous because you are not where they are or you don’t have what they have.

Learning to let go of comparisons

Look, I get it, there are things in life we wish we had or hope to have one day. And there’s no problem with wanting more out of life. But, we have to learn to let go of comparisons. The moment we focus on someone else’s story and try to make it our own we miss out on our own journey.
So here are a few things I do to reframe and let go of comparison

Things are not always as they seem

First, remember things are not always as they seem. As a counselor, what I wish people could know is that they are not alone in the struggle. People around you are going through things you have no clue about. Some may have similar struggles to yours. And guess what? That’s because we are human. That means some days are awesome, some days are terrible, and that’s okay. Perfection is not real. A life with no challenges, problems or obstacles is a myth.

Social media doesn’t show you the whole story

When you see how others show up on social media, remember they are not telling everything. They are not saying that their child had a meltdown for 4 hours last, leaving them on the bathroom floor crying. Or, mentioning they had a conflict with their partner and now neither of them are talking. They are not telling you they are afraid and worried because they have a family member struggling with addiction and don’t know what to do or where to turn. And it’s okay if they are not telling you those things, but just know you don’t always know what’s going on in someone’s life.

Life is how we interpret it

Next, recognize life is how we interpret it. Last year, I attended a workshop with speaker and coach, Chris Lee. In the workshop, he encouraged individuals to learn ways to create and take charge of the ways they interpret their life. He said, “Life is a series of opportunities to interpret. In the moment I interpret, I become the interpretation.”

How we choose to see life, affects our life. Comparisons often leave us being unable to see our life for what it is. Life is neutral, but the ways we interpret life causes us to have either a positive or negative view of things around us. To show this, he led us through an exercise I want to share with you.

“Have to” versus “blessed to”

Think of all the things you need to do right now in life that you don’t want to do or have to do, and write them down or say them out loud. Aay, “I have to ________.” Next, take a moment and think of those things again and this time say, “I choose to ________.” Finally, I want you to one more time bring those things to mind and say, “I’m blessed to ________.”

This exercise was powerful. It reminded me that we each have a choice of how we interpret our life. We can’t always predict or control the events that happen to us, but we can choose how we will respond

Choose gratitude

Finally, choose gratitude. Gratitude is something we must practice if we want to stop comparing our story to someone else’s. Studies have shown gratitude helps increase life satisfaction and well-being. Psychologist Robert Emmons, author of Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier talks about the hosts of benefits of practicing gratitude. He says benefits include improved immune systems, lower blood pressure, better sleep, increased positive emotions (joy, happiness), improved alertness, and increased kindness and compassion towards others.

Identify your daily 3

For that reason, I like to challenge myself to express 3 individuals, experiences, or things I’m grateful for in the morning. Before I close my eyes, I acknowledge 3 things I was grateful for during my day. I challenge you to try this if it isn’t already something you do. Gratitude has a way of helping us shift our focus on what we have rather than focusing on what we are missing.

The bottom line is life is too short to get stuck in comparisons. When you catch yourself starting to compare yourself to someone else, try to remember things are not always as they seem. Life is how we interpret it. No matter how bleak things get you can choose gratitude.

Life is not perfect. It’s messy and crazy, but it is a gift. And this gift we’ve been given was never meant for comparison. So, let’s make the most of it!

*This article was featured in the CENLA Focus magazine.

Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting‘s mission is to inspire hope for change. Christy Pennison, LPC-S, is a counselor, speaker and advocate for mental health awareness and self-care. She is passionate about helping individuals move forward and live fully.