How Is Talking to a Therapist Different From Talking to a Friend?

This is one of the questions I get asked most frequently as a therapist: Why would I see a professional when I have my best friend with whom I can talk about my problems? What can a therapist do for me that I don’t get from venting to my spouse? I have even heard, “My dog is my therapist.” What’s the point in going to see a therapist?

There are distinct differences in speaking to a professional and speaking to someone you know personally. Talking to a therapist should look very different from talking to a friend, so let’s get into those differences.

5 Key Differences Between Talking to a Therapist vs a Friend

1. Understanding

While our loved ones tend to have our best intentions at heart, they don’t always understand what we are going through. They may want to support us but don’t know how to help.

Our friends may not relate to our current struggles, and they don’t know what to say. A family member may have grown up in a time when mental health was not spoken about. 

A therapist understands mental health struggles. We know a thing or two because we have seen a thing or two. We believe you and the struggle you are going through is real, and we want to help you overcome it.

2. Intention

Some people struggle with trusting people because they have been hurt in relationships before. Because of this, we may have a difficult time opening up to our loved ones because we don’t trust how they will react to our vulnerability.

When seeing a therapist, there is no need to question their intentions. You know their intention—to do their job. They are there to help you reach your goals and process what is going on in your life. Therapists do not have hidden motives because they do not know you outside of your therapeutic relationship. 

3. Relationship

The therapeutic relationship is very different from a personal relationship. It is designed this way for a reason. In a typical social relationship, you are trying to manage the needs of the other person while also trying to get your needs met as well (hopefully). These relationships are two-sided. They are give and take.

Therapeutic relationships are different because there are no needs on the side of the therapist. The therapist is not looking to you for reassurance, comfort, or socialization. Your therapist is at work when they are speaking with you, using their skills to help you get what you need. They are not seeking a relationship with you in return for this help. 

4. Training

5. Tools

When venting to a friend, we may feel better because we are getting it off our chests. We also may get some reassurance or support from someone that we love, which is very helpful. But sometimes this is not enough.

A therapist can teach you tools to better cope with the things you’re going through. They offer practical tips, help you identify triggers, and guide you in understanding yourself and your unique situation.

If venting to friends and loved ones has not been enough and you feel like you need more, seeking a therapist may be beneficial for you. As you can see, a therapeutic relationship is very different from a social relationship and can be helpful when you are struggling. There is no shame in seeking help.

About the Author