Feeling Angry? Here Are 3 Steps to Take
Recently, I talked to someone who stated they were feeling angry with their intimate partner. When I reflected back to them that they said they were angry, they looked back at me confused. They responded by trying to say they weren’t really angry, because they felt like it was “not acceptable to be angry with those they love”.
Here’s something we should all know, it is OKAY to be angry with the ones we love. In fact, it is inevitable that we are going to feel at least some form of anger towards them at some point.
We are human.
The important thing is to recognize when we are feeling that way and how to respond appropriately when we are angry, being careful to not say or do hurtful things.
Here are 3 quick steps you can take when feeling angry.
1. Remove yourself from the situation and get curious
Go to a quiet place and focus on identifying what is happening inside you when you feel anger. What are you ACTUALLY feeling? Are you hurt? Feeling fearful? Sad? Disappointed? Which of those, or which other feelings, are fueling your anger right
now.
In many cases, anger is the emotion we see and identify, but there are sometimes other emotions underneath the surface as see in this image.
2. Accept feeling angry
Accept what you are feeling. Don’t run away from the feeling. Don’t try to cover it up. If you are sad, be sad, however that looks to you. Feeling afraid? Accept that you are afraid of something. If you are disappointed in someone, accept that and remember that you can only change yourself, not others.
3. Find a way to make peace with your anger
Find peace with your negative feeling and let it go. Understand that it’s just a negative feeling, not a tool to make the unpleasant event go away. You can have control over yourself, but not always over the event. Take a moment to find something that can help you find your calm. Remember, feeling angry is okay, but it’s what you do with your anger that is what matters.
Uncertain of how to do that here are a few ways to let it go.
- TALK ABOUT IT
- WRITE ABOUT IT
- SAY IT TO YOURSELF
- PRAY ABOUT IT
Talking or processing your anger can often help you get it out without having to hold it all in. It can also be helpful to write about your feelings on a piece of paper and then shred it to metaphorically see your anger, or negative feeling, destroyed. Saying it to yourself can sometimes help you hear the thing you are angry about and sometimes it may not seem as big as you once thought. Lastly, if spirituality is something that is important to you, praying about something can often help you slowly let go of the emotion overwhelming you.
Just remember, you cannot always stop the feelings that arise unexpectedly in you. But you CAN take steps to feel better about it and let it go.
About the Author:
Missy Daniel, LPC provides individual and couples therapy to adults. She specializes in domestic abuse and anger management among other things. If you are struggling with anger in your relationship or having trouble with managing the anger you feel, request an appointment with Missy today: https://beinspiredcc.clientsecure.me/.
