Rediscovering Joy When the Holidays Feel Hard
Driving through town the other evening, I noticed the first wave of holiday lights making their appearance. Wreaths on doors. Inflatable snowmen staked proudly into front yards. And on one home, tall, wooden letters spelling out the word JOY lit up in bright white bulbs.
It was beautiful. Cheerful. Festive.
And yet, as I kept driving, something inside me sank a little.
Because earlier that same day, in conversations I had and stories I heard, like so many of us do in the mental health field, the theme was heavy.
Someone grieving their first holiday without a loved one. A parent facing financial strain that makes gift-giving stressful. People navigating fractured family relationships or expectations that feel impossible to meet. Some feeling the weight of depression press harder this time of year, even while the world around them speeds up.
As I passed that glowing “JOY,” part of me wondered, “Is joy still something we can find during the holidays? Especially when life feels unbearably heavy?”
When the Holidays Don’t Match the Hallmark Image
The truth is, many people experience the holiday season as one of the hardest times of the year. While the world around us pushes a narrative of excitement, celebration, and picture-perfect gatherings, life doesn’t pause its challenges just because the calendar flips to December.
Grief still aches.
Bills still come.
Relationships still strain.
Expectations still weigh us down.
And for some, even moments that should feel joyful—children opening presents, families gathering around tables—can be overshadowed by exhaustion, loneliness, or the quiet sense that you’re supposed to feel something you just…don’t.
But here’s what I’ve learned both personally and professionally: Joy isn’t the same as happiness. Joy isn’t loud. It isn’t flashy. It isn’t dependent on everything going right.
Joy is something deeper, something steadier.
Joy whispers, even when happiness goes quiet.
And it can be rediscovered, even in seasons that feel dark.
Joy Isn’t Found—It’s Noticed
When people tell me, “I don’t feel joyful this year,” I often think about this simple question,
“What are we expecting joy to look like?”
Most of us imagine joy as a big, sweeping feeling: the perfect moment, the perfect gift, the perfect family dinner, the perfect version of ourselves.
But joy isn’t always an event. Often, it’s a flicker.
Joy is the warmth of a cup of coffee on a cold morning.
The first deep breath you’ve taken all day.
A memory that brings a soft smile instead of tears.
Someone holding the door for you when your hands are full.
Light coming through your window in a way that feels gentle.
A quiet evening where, for the first time in a while, you get a moment of stillness.
These are small things, almost ordinary. But sometimes, it’s the ordinary things that pull us back to life when big things feel too heavy to hold.
Joy Can Grow in Hard Soil
What I love most about joy is that it isn’t fragile. It doesn’t require perfect conditions. It can grow in the middle of grief, uncertainty, or disappointment.
In fact, some of the most meaningful moments of joy I’ve witnessed came from people walking through their hardest seasons. A father sharing how his daughter’s laughter kept him grounded. A widow who found a surprising calm while decorating a small tree alone. A young adult who felt a spark of hope simply by stepping outside and feeling cool air on their face.
Joy grows when we slow down enough to notice what’s still good—what’s still here—even when life feels stretched thin.
How to Rediscover Joy During the Holidays
If this holiday season feels hard, here are a few gentle ways to let joy back in:
1. Offer yourself realistic expectations
You don’t have to create magical moments. Just create moments that feel manageable and grounded.
2. Make space for both joy and pain
They can coexist. Feeling sadness doesn’t cancel your ability to experience joy.
3. Look for small moments of light
Keep a daily list, three things, no matter how small. It helps retrain our minds to notice what’s still good.
4. Let yourself receive support
Help, kindness, connection. Joy often comes through others.
5. Create one simple tradition just for yourself
A walk, a candle at night, a favorite song. Something that anchors you in the present.
6. Practice being where your feet are
Joy is almost always found in the present moment—not the one we imagine, fear, or regret.
Joy Doesn’t Disappear—It Waits
As I drove past that house with the glowing word “JOY,” I realized something: the homeowners didn’t put that sign up because their life was perfect. They put it up because it meant something to them.
Maybe as a reminder.
Maybe as hope.
Maybe as a declaration that joy is worth reaching for even when life is complicated.
During the holidays, if joy feels hard to find, that doesn’t mean you’ve lost it. It simply means you may need to look for it differently, more gently, more slowly, more honestly.
Joy is still here.
Maybe quieter.
Maybe softer.
But still waiting to be rediscovered.
And sometimes, all it takes is noticing the small things long enough for your heart to remember what joy feels like again.
About the Author
Christy Pennison, LPC-S, is the founder and lead inspirer of Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting. If you need help navigating a difficult season or with any other problem area, now is the perfect time to find help and speak with one of our counselors.
Be Inspired Counseling & Consulting’s mission is to inspire hope for change to help individuals move forward and live fully.
Click here to schedule an appointment today.
