Marathons and Mental Health Part 1: What Running has Taught Me About Life and All Its Breakdowns

It NEVER fails.  Whether I’m running a 5k, a marathon, a half or full IronMan, I always feel the worst–and ready to quit–when I’m only a third of the way in.  It doesn’t make sense really.  Logically, mile 3 would be harder than mile 1.  Rationally, mile 80 should feel a lot worse than mile 20.  But it’s actually not true.  And for me, here’s why:  That awful, insidious, toxic, poisonous thought takes root in my psyche and slowly spreads its tendrils throughout my body:  

“This is hard.  It’s going to keep getting harder. I’ll never be able to do this.”

This thought miraculously turns my blood to lead and makes it impossible to move any faster than a snail’s pace, thus solidifying the fact that I actually can’t do this.  What’s a girl to do, except give up?

I recently ran my first 50 mile ultra trail run.  Hard as it was, I finished.  So you’d probably never guess that at mile 13 I was ready to ditch the trail, head home, and curl up in a ball on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book.  Comfort was certainly calling at that moment, because I just knew…that it was hard, it would get harder, and I’d never be able to do this.

Thankfully, I’ve done a few runs at this point and have enough mental awareness to know that the thought will pass.  Just because mile 10 is hard, doesn’t mean that mile 11 will be hard too.  It’s actually quite possible that at mile 10 I will feel as though I am on death’s door, and at mile 11 I’ll be frolicking with renewed energy, a renewed outlook on life, and mental plans for the next big race I’m going to sign up for.  

That’s just how the race goes.  And it’s a bit how life goes too.

Relationships may start off with that invigorating first couple miles….I mean, years….and then all of a sudden it seems bad enough to leave.  And maybe it is bad enough to leave–I mean, hey, I’d never suggest you stay running on a trail if you truly are injured or about to be.  But maybe it’s not that way–it’s actually just a momentary breakdown that, in a healthy way, may be leading to a breakthrough that brings renewed energy, renewed connection, and new “next big plans”.  Or maybe the career that was so exciting at the beginning has end goals that feel waaaayyyyy too far away–it’s just getting harder, you’ll never get there, and you might as well give up.  Once again, if you’ve detoured off the right path for you, I’d never suggest you keep going and get lost in the woods.  But what if you just need to stop, breathe, stretch, and regroup at the aid station before trekking onward, mile by mile, toward a finish line that will forever be proof to you that you can accomplish anything you set out to do?

I once heard a person, who I can’t remember the name of, say on a podcast that I can’t recall (how’s that for a reference) that the reason she loves running ultramarathons is because you will likely experience the full range of human experience within that run:  I love life, I hate life, I am worthless, I can do anything….and on it goes.  I completely resonate with this.  So, what do we do when we’ve found ourselves a few miles into life, career, relationships, races, or long-term goals, and the seed of doubt has taken root….This is hard, it’s going to get harder, and I might as well quit.

Remember that just because mile 10 is hard doesn’t mean that mile 11 will be harder.

Remember that breakdowns can be opportunities for breakthroughs.

It’s in our DNA–in order for our bodies to experience muscle growth, they have to break down first–for example, through a really good, sweaty workout–before they can then recover, grow, and be stronger than they were before the workout.  Our lives are the same way.  None of us are “lucky” enough to be on an ever upward trajectory of growth–this would be abnormal, and just not very human.  All of us experience growth by first having a bit of breakdown.  So welcome the moments of breakdown as opportunities for incredible growth, renewed energy and perspective.

Stop, stretch, and breathe.

Stop and use the aid stations.

Personally, I’m really bad about getting so focused on the goal of finishing that, while I’m feeling good in a race, or at least decent, I won’t stop running to eat or rehydrate at the aid stations enough.  It catches up to you, though, and leaves you depleted physically, in turn opening up a place for those toxic thoughts to root around.  What are your aid stations?  Are you a mom that needs to get together regularly with other moms to feel rejuvenated?  Are you running a corporate race, and you need to schedule a date with nature each week?  Are you getting through your day without good sleep or good-for-you-food?  Do you need regular meditation moments or time at the gym?  Figure out what your “aid stations” are, and use them regularly, before your body and mind get depleted and you find yourself ready to give up.

Look down and check the terrain.

This is one that deserves a little extra attention, which is why we’ll focus on it completely in Part 2 of this series.  For now, suffice it to say that we have to give ourselves a little grace for what’s going on around us.  

I suppose in races and in life, neither would bring nearly the adrenaline rush if it were easy.  It’s the hard moments that bring the sense of reward at the end.  Believing you will get through those hard moments is key when they seem overwhelming.

“Big occasions and races which have been eagerly anticipated almost to the point of dread, are where great deeds can be accomplished.”

—Jack Lovelock, environmentalist and futurist

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