The Power of Presence

Have you ever gone to an event or celebration and by the end of it felt like you missed it?  Shared a story with someone and thought the other person had no clue what you said?  Went to dinner where it seemed your dinner dates were more interested in their phone than you? Or have you sat back in a crowded space and felt completely alone-like no one was paying attention?  If you have, you are not alone. 

We are living a in time where many people, places, and things are competing for our focus and attention. Distractions are plenty. Staying focused is more challenging than ever. We long for connection and community, but struggle to find it. 

As I have observed this in my own life and in the lives of those I help, I have pondered, “What is missing?”  What do people need that is lacking?  What is harder to do now than in years past.  And I have come to a conclusion.  What others need now more than ever is—presence. 

I was watching a tv show last night set in the early 2000s.  It was amazing to watch the characters engage with each other without a cell phone in their hand.  They sat around a dinner table, no one taking pictures of their food or texting someone back. I realized they were present, in the moment, with those they were with.  They were connected, laughing, listening, and experiencing what was happening together.  It was beautiful, and something I realized many of us are missing.  

What is presence?

The present relates to the here and now.  According to the dictionary, “presence is something felt or believed in the present moment”. The problem is many times as we move through moments in our day we aren’t present for them. Part of us may be there, but part of us is thinking of all the things needed to be done or getting caught up on a notification on our phone.  

How to be more present

To be more present in life, the first step is to learn to be able to be present with yourself.  A fellow therapist I work with often gives clients who are struggling to identify their thoughts or feelings a recommendation to spend 5 minutes with themselves without distractions at home.  No music, no tv, no phone, no writing, or reading.  Only sitting in silence with themselves, by themselves, for 5 minutes.  Sounds easy, right?  Well, when is the last time you sat with yourself for 5 minutes with no agenda?  For the sake of this article I tried this myself.  I’ll admit; it was a challenge.  

Being present with yourself

Ever heard of a midlife crisis?  People wake up and are like who the heck am I and where did my life go?  It’s crazy how easy it is to run through life and one day wake up and barely recognize who you are.  Or not even know who you are.  People have said to me, “I feel like I lost myself along the way.” This is an honest statement we find ourselves resonating with more than we care to admit.  The solution to this, I believe, is learning to be present with yourself.  Leaning in to what lights you up and tears you down.  Figuring out each day who you are, want to be, and hope to become. Taking time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and level of energy.  Getting to know yourself and finding ways to embrace the different parts of you versus judging, shaming, or criticizing them.  Again, it’s not easy, but you can start with 5 minutes and go from there. 

Being present with others

Then create space to be present with others.  I recently came back from a trip I took for myself.  After getting sick with COVID for a week a month or two prior, I listened to what my body was trying to tell me, “You need a break.”  So I decided to book a trip. Before I left, I made one declaration.  I declared I would be present, especially with others. While other people were buried in their phones or devices, I tried to be present.  As a result, I got to hear a love story on a plane of this newly married couple, had meaningful conversation with someone who was serving me dinner, learned about a devastating loss an entrepreneur went through in their company, and even talked briefly with a guy from Germany who warned me my bag was open when I was wandering about.  Through it all I wasn’t trying to think of what I should say next or how I would respond, I just tried to remain present.  It wasn’t easy.  My phone often beckoned to me, wanting me to pick it up or distract myself.  Yet, being present with others gave me more than I ever could have imagined. It gave me connection and it regnited my belief in humanity as a whole. I even made some friends in the process.  

Presence is powerful.  It is a gift. When being with others sometimes we want to rush in, give advice, say something before we forget it, or hold someone’s attention.  Presence says, “Just be.”  Someone once told me, “The most interesting person in the room is the most interested.”  I’d have to say I’ve come to agree with this.  Learning to lean in to others resonates and resounds louder than anything else.  And now, it’s needed more than ever. 

Being present spiritually

Finally, I would encourage you to find time to be present with something greater than yourself.  For many people this is through their spiritual beliefs and practices.  But, it could also be engaging in a cause or community initiative that is bigger than you.  I have come to see the value for others and myself of being present with something greater.  This could be through prayer or meditation.  Walking through nature.  Attending a place of worship.  Volunteering in community activities or with a nonprofit. Setting aside time to connect with a higher power or cause and being present in those moments helps provide a sense of purpose and meaning amidst the chaos life sometimes can bring.  

We need the power of presence.  Our family and friends need it, our children who are growing up in the distraction age need it, and our world needs it.  Practicing being present won’t be easy.  Distractions will try to get in the way.  Yet, it can change your life and relationships.  5 minutes a day can go a long way.  How will you practice presence today?

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