7 Powerful Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationships

Watching the way you communicate is key in relationships. We don’t always grow up with the greatest examples of how to talk to others, so this can be a challenge for a lot of us. The good news is, healthy communication is a skill you can build. 

Here are seven tips on how to practice healthy communication in your relationships—whether it’s with a family member, partner, friend, or colleague.

7 Tips to Help You Practice Healthy Communication in Your Relationships

1. Assertiveness

The four styles of communication are: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. People can shift between styles depending on their triggers and how comfortable they feel with the person they are speaking to.

Assertiveness is where we want to strive to be as much as possible! It looks like standing up for your needs confidently while also trying to come up with a way to show the other person that you care about their needs as well. You come from an empathetic place with this type of communication, as it shows whoever you’re talking to that you care about their needs, too.

Example: “This is important to me. How can we make it work for both of us?”

2. Self-Regulation

The survival brain sets off a fear response, and if we continue to allow our brain to get to this state, it can become a pattern for us in relationships. We can start to avoid conversations or interactions with certain people because the survival brain tells us we’re in danger. This can lead to feelings of anxiety when it comes to a certain person or type of conversation we plan to have. 

If we can notice when our body starts to feel threatened, we can come up with a plan to communicate that we need to take a break from the conversation. It’s important to take some deep breaths or use grounding techniques. This activates the vagus nerve, which will tell your brain and body that you are safe, and keep your rational thinking brain turned on.

3. Recognizing and Examining Triggers

So how can we recognize those triggers before we react? One of the best ways to do this is by being self-aware in your day-to-day routines/interactions with others.

Notice when your body feels “off” in a conversation:

• Is your heart racing? 
• Are you feeling butterflies in your stomach? 
• Breathing fast? 
• Clenching your jaw? 
• Try to get to the earliest bodily symptom. Then ask:
• Is there a pattern here? 
• Who or what does this remind me of?

Tip: don’t try to connect all the dots in your head. Write these things down somewhere (in the notes section in your phone or computer, or a notebook/journal). Doing this can help you understand yourself more and help you identify when to implement self-regulation earlier, which will help you practice healthy communication in your relationships.

4. Boundary Setting

Sometimes our loved ones can have some unhealthy communication patterns, and we can feel powerless in those dynamics. That’s where setting healthy boundaries comes in.

The good news is: you have complete control over setting the boundaries for yourself.

Boundary setting can be challenging, and sometimes we can have rigid or porous boundaries versus healthy boundaries.

Rigid Boundaries:

Overly strict boundaries you set for yourself due to past hurt, betrayal, or trauma. These boundaries often block connection and discourage vulnerability. This is pretty unhealthy when it comes to communication in your relationships, as it blocks the growth the relationship could have.

Porous Boundaries:

5. Active Listening

Another way to practice healthy communication is active listening. Active listening helps make sure you are perceiving the other person’s words correctly. You reflect back what the other person says, and once confirmed, you might validate their feelings (whether you agree or not) and ask questions to clarify or reflect deeper.

It might sound like:

• “That makes sense. Can you tell me more about that?”

Active listening builds trust and emotional safety, even during disagreements.

6. Non-Blaming Language/“I Feel” Statements

Blaming can cause fight-or-flight to be activated. This can lead to you or the other person feeling threatened, which can lead to an argument, especially if the survival brain says to “fight”. Try to use “I feel” statements to stray away from blaming language. 

Here are some examples of non-blaming language: 

• “I feel ___ when ___ happens.”
• “What I need/would like is ___.”
• “Can we find a solution together?”

7. Tone of Voice

You may have learned by now that the way you say things matters. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” When you present things in a calm, grounded, curious, or vulnerable way, you usually can build emotional safety with whoever you’re talking to.

This is a great thing for relationships! Especially if you are a parent, teacher, or leader, your tone sets the tone of the conversation and models the self-regulation we were talking about earlier. Imagine the question “what do you need from me?” being presented by a parent in an annoyed way versus a curious or supportive way.

Here’s a tip: Before speaking, ask yourself, “Would I feel respected if this were said to me in this tone?”

These seven skills go a long way when it comes to healthy communication in your relationships. You can’t control how others show up— but you can take ownership of how you respond, express, and engage. Practicing even just one of these can shift your relationship dynamics for the better. 

Start small. Stay consistent. And remember: you don’t have to be perfect to be effective.

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